On the subject of dreams…

This is where I office.

So, last night I had a strange dream. This is not unusual for me, but this one really hit me hard because I think it’s about exactly how I’m feeling right now. In the dream, I had a baby. But, I didn’t have enough milk to feed it for the first two days of its … Continue reading

Family Reunions

Family reunions are strange little events. You meet these people you never knew existed, but somehow, you know they feel like they have a connection to you. Do they? Yesterday, I went to the James Elbert Hall reunion in Hickory, NC. There were people I knew there. There were interesting tidbits of information floating around … Continue reading

about ultimatums…

When you give someone an ultimatum, there are simply two choices: The choice you want the person to make. and The choice you hope with all your heart they won’t make.

hard lessons i thought i already learned…

This week, I seem to be relearning lessons I thought I had learned along time ago. 1. People leave. 2. People say they’ll stay, but they leave. 3. People can’t handle when others go crazy. 4. I like to chase off the people I need. 5. I don’t really need some people. I just think … Continue reading

things you shouldn’t do to children…

So, there are two stories my mother tells about my childhood that have been running through my head lately.  I have an incredible memory for details about my childhood, but I only really remember one of these stories. The thing to note here is that my mother tells them with laughter – she thinks they’re … Continue reading

Really strange day of ups and downs…

The last few days have been really up and down for me. One thing happens, then another, and I really don’t know what to expect next. Last night, we had one of the 5-hour marathons we haven’t had in years now. Loveliness. Plus, brownies in bed in the wee hours. Then, brownies for breakfast with … Continue reading

a letter i actually sent

Dear Mom, This is really hard for me to write. Before you go any further, I need you to know I love you. I need a break from you. I realized as I was leaving for Ira’s house and you asked me to buy a bag of pot for you that you came here because … Continue reading

dealing with shrapnel

There’s a lot of shit in my head right now. That’s not even doing justice to what’s going on. But I’m learning a lot this week: 1. Some people still call it an “urn” when they want something to put coffee in. This is confusing when the person on the other end of the phone … Continue reading

a letter I’ll never send

I really wish I could forgive you. But there are things for which forgiveness just won’t form inside my chest. You had no business having a child. But I’m here. I have a brain and a heart and a soul that crave a mother’s love and generosity. I’ll never forgive you for never giving me … Continue reading

Graduating

So, it’s been a really long time since I’ve written here, and it’s mostly because I’ve been finishing up my thesis. But, we’ve also had some awesome developments on the home front. My friend Alicia and her 8-year-old son moved in with us, and that’s been incredible. It includes a glittery easter bunny footprint on … Continue reading